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Not Just A Box

Preface:   This is a pretty detailed fanfic, with references to the universes of both Supernatural and Doctor Who, anyways, the basics are, the Doctor is a time-traveling, human-looking alien with a ship that looks like a blue police phone booth, who has lived many lives (he regenerates or renews himself by changing appearance and personality) in this story the character is his eleventh incarnation, as played by Matt Smith.  Sam and Dean are from the world of Supernatural, a pair of brothers who spend their lives on the road in Dean's car, the Impala, fighting monsters of every persuasion, and often fighting each other too. Sam and Dean have learned over the course of so many creatures trying to kill them, and the people they love, to be very distrustful of anything or anyone out of the ordinary.   The Doctor, contrastingly, is a pacifist, yet he too has lost many people he cares about over the course of his numerous lives.    I got the idea for the story from thinking just what would happen if they met, since they have a lot in common in terms of the burden of defending humanity from awful creatures, yet very different approaches to how they do that. 

.................

Sam sat in the driver's seat of the Impala, gazing across the sun-scorched earth of the August fields. Dean was off hours, with some girl, leaving Sam alone, alone with his thoughts, a little too much time to think. It had been a quiet week, but he knew that never lasted--

Nope. It never did.

He could feel something in the air moments before it started. The crackle of an eerie force as the wind picked up, out of nowhere-- a feeling that made him instinctively nervous, set on edge. As a hunter, he didn't run from that feeling.

Nope. He reached for his sidearm with one hand, and the EMF detector with the other.

As he was opening the car door, the noise started.

He stood, feeling his hair fly wildly in the increasing flurry of wind, shielding his eyes as great whorls of dust rose from the epicenter of the windstorm, a bare spot on the path about 50 feet ahead of him.

The EMF detector was whining in his left hand, the needle dancing from zero to blazing with the vibration of an odd rhythm--it was like a pulse he thought, at first, only in the atmosphere itself.

Yet, it grew stronger, louder, crackling in and out of existence like the bass of a car's subwoofers a block a way.

But no, then came a hiss, a screech.

He dropped the EMF detector, covering his ears with his left hand and arm, clamping his firearm in a ready stance with his right.

The screeching became a grinding, whining, grating as a flicker of royal blue pulsated at the epicenter of the dust storm. Pulsated. Then, quivering, it materialized. A box, the size of a phone booth. It was blue--a blue phone booth size box--which read in block letters around the top---"police call box."

He approached, his weapon ready, digging through his mind at what it might be.

The oddity of it defied normal monsters...

Something more like a Trickster, or a tulpa....

Yet, neither of those felt quite right. Why would a tulpa be out there, and....hadn't the one Trickster they knew been the late Gabriel?

No, he decided, this was some new evil.

He was only a few steps from the box when the door burst open, smoke pouring out. He coughed, aiming into the green-black haze of the phone box as a sputtering figure appeared from its depths.

"Show yourself," Sam warned, gun aimed at the stranger.

"You know, it's quite alright. You don't need to shout," replied the figure in its British accent as it emerged from the haze--a pair of ingenious brown eyes set in a grinning face of a man in a disheveled suit.

The man smirked a bit, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender, as he said to Sam in an unhurried way,"Relax, I'm unarmed."

Sam shifted, taking a step closer, replying, "I'll be the judge of that."

The man made a face at Sam as a splash of liquid dribbled down his jacket-front, sent from a squeeze-bottle in Sam's possession.

"Really, was that quite necessary?" the man quipped.

"Can't be too careful," Sam replied, as he checked the stranger over for weapons.

Sam's search was rewarded when he felt a bulge of something metallic in the man's jacket pocket, which he grabbed, much to the irritation of the subject of his frisking.

"Hey! Careful, that's my screwdriver you're holding!" The man sounded substantially more annoyed than worried.

Sam, puzzled, turned it over in his hand.

"You mean this thing?"

"Yes, it's my screwdriver." The stranger from the phone box sounded particularly self-satisfied at Sam's puzzlement.

Sam squinted at the metallic pen-sized gadget, muttering to himself,

"Yeah, sure..."

He stood examining it, "Yeah, you just stay right there. Don't move."

After a long moment, the man said, "You know, I'd like it back," reaching for it.

"Hey!" Sam snapped, lifting his gun to point at the man again, "I told you not to move. You know, you have some explaining to do. For starters, what the heck are you?"

The strange man stepped back to lean against the side of the phone box, a look of amusement crossing his face.

"Now, why would I tell you that?"

"I may not know what you are, but we can see how you like bullets."

"No, not particularly fond of bullets. So, how about a deal?"

"No deals," Sam snapped, mind reeling.

Demon? How?..the holy water-borate solution should have shown something. That, and a demon wouldn't mind the gun....

''OK, OK. Could you put that thing away?" The man raised both hands in a look-I'm-unarmed-shrug, and waved his hand at the gun.

Sam lowered his weapon, a look of reluctance crossing his face.

"Why should I trust you that much?"

"Really? You've got my only tool. My screwdriver. It's a very special screwdriver--and this--this is not my idea of a good conversation. That whole gun thing ruins it. I was just suggesting a trade, that's all. I will tell you who I am if you tell me when and where we are."

"Well, who, what are you? Did the Angels send you?"

"No. Which angels are we talking about? The Weeping Angels?"

Sam rolled his eyes, muttering. "Weeping angels? No, no. Did Crowley?"

"What's a Crowley? It doesn't sound very pleasant." The stranger grinned oddly.

"No, it's--he's--not pleasant at all. But, if you really don't know who he is..." Sam sighed.

"Then you're wondering who sent me." The stranger finished.

Sam was slightly startled at the man's aptitude for guessing his thoughts.

"It's alright. I'll tell you, spare you the bother. Nobody sent me. I brought myself. Well, more like crashed here. My ship-- she's a bit under the weather." The stranger stroked the side of the box beside him, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Anyway, how I got here aside, we should start again--no guns. Hello, I'm the Doctor. And you are--"

"Sam." He replied grudgingly. Sam wasn't exactly sure what the man was playing at, but he wasn't buying it. He tensed his hold on his gun, which was still in his hand, ready for whatever might come next.

"Hello, Sam."

"Okay, I don't know what you're trying to do, but I'm still waiting for an answer."

"Yes, of course. What I am. I'm from far away."

"Could you be a little more specific?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"Well, I could ask you for your end of the deal--I still don't know where or when I am."

"Fine. Fine. We're in Kansas. It's 2013. And, you came in, what, your ship?"

"Yes, my ship, the Tardis. We've gone lots of places together."

"You and your Tardis, you're from--"

"Far, far away. I'd tell you but you wouldn't believe me."

"Try me."

"Alright. What harm can it do--no one remembers me anyways--I'm the last of my kind. From the planet Gallifrey.

I'm a Time Lord."

"So you're-you're a god?" Sam flinched at the man's pronunciation. A god; the last thing he wanted to deal with.

Especially given their annoying powers and taste for people.

"No, not exactly."

He reached for the archangel sword in the back of his belt. He'd never tried one on a god, but it couldn't hurt. In the least, he could cut a stake from something with it...

"You know, I'd really not mind a bit if you could put that knife you're getting out away."

"Sorry, 'fraid not," Sam replied, swinging his arm with the sword around to point it menacingly at the Doctor.

"Not until you tell me what you are."

"I've BEEN telling you! Augh, humans--"

"So you're not a god, but you're not human, either."

"No! I'm a Time Lord. There's a difference!"

"And that means...?"

"I'm what you'd call an alien."

"You've got to be kidding."

"No, Sam, I'm really not. And if you'd give me back my screwdriver, I could show you."

Sam lowered his sword, grimacing in indecision. If this guy was tricking him, this could be a big mistake. Why would an alien carry around a screwdriver? If he even really was an alien.... Yet, for a reason he couldn't begin to identify, some part of him wanted to trust him. OK, it was the eyes. He had honest eyes.

"Fine. But don't try anything funny," Sam said, reluctantly handing the man the gadget.

"Thank you. Now, you see, this is no ordinary screwdriver."

The Doctor squeezed a button.

Sam watched in amazement as the device began to hum, a blue light pulsing--

"It's sonic. And---"

The man pointed the device at himself, activating some sort of setting, Sam realized, as the sound it was making changed.

"If you listen closely, you'll hear--"

Sam's jaw dropped.

"Heartbeats." they said at once.

"But it's two."

"Yes, my heartbeats. Because Time Lords--we have two hearts."

"Well," Sam muttered, still marveling at the thud of the man's hearts he heard through the device. " Maybe you are a, uh,Time Lord."

"Yes. And, now that you believe me, might we continue our conversation on the more amiable terms of you not trying to kill me?"

"Alright." Sam sighed, sheathing the sword.

"But don't think you're just going to walk away. I've got questions for you."

"Very well. As have I for you."

Sam smirked. This guy seemed to think himself invulnerable. A bit like the Angels, only a little less irritable. More good-natured. He was actually capable of sarcasm, worrying about his precious gadget while a gun was pointed at him. Well, considering that, maybe just crazy.

"Sure. After you answer mine. Can you die?"

"Well, as you can see, I haven't, yet, that is. Not really, at least. Anyways---answer mine--"

"Is Marilyn Monroe hot?"

"Uh, yeah!" Sam laughed.

"Good to hear. She certainly was when she dragged me to the chapel!"

Sam scoffed. Who was this 'Doctor', and if he was serious about having hooked up with Marilyn....well, he didnt look old enough to have met her. So time travel, falling out of the sky, not an angel, definitely not Leviathan or demon....but not minding the sunlight like a vampire.....and he claimed not a god. So what was left....maybe he really was a Time Lord. Whatever the hell that was....

" Ah, moving on. Was there an invasion of London a few years ago during Christmas?"

"No." Sam looked at him, puzzled.

"Hmm. That, paired with the fact that it smells decidedly more spicy here, I'll say this is a parallel universe. Again..."

"Wait. You mean like a different world? You've done that too?" Sam was suddenly excited.

"Too, meaning that you have? I'd never have guessed many ordinary humans would have that experience," replied the Doctor.

"Well, we're not exactly what you'd call ordinary, me and my brother, that is."

"Interesting. Care to tell me more about yourselves?"

"You wouldn't believe half of it." Sam said.

"Care to find out? Because, Sam, I have stories too. Believe me. Quite a few stories."

"Would they involve the apocalypse?" Sam wasn't entirely sure why he was suddenly spilling everything to this guy, but there was just a feeling he got from him, now that they were talking. Something ancient, tired, yet.... deeply true. Something trustworthy.

"No, but the end of time and the universe, yes."

"There's an end of time?"

"Where I'm from, there is."

"Well, here we've had our share of fending off the end of the world. Unfortunately, it seems to keep coming back to bite us in the ass."

"That's rather unfortunate. Does yours have teeth?"

"Yeah. Big teeth. Whenever we get rid of one, new ones come. " Sam replied, his mind flashing to the various moments of destruction, pain, and desperation he'd seen through the last eight years. Big teeth was an understatement. Try kill you, rip your soul out, and spit you out again alive teeth. No escape, not even in death... Yeah, those were some infinitely big teeth.

"Do you ever tire of it?" Sam saw the Doctor's expression change to a look of something like sadness. It seemed almost as if he was hinting at something he found...shameful....Sam decided. He was disclosing in some way, something he was ashamed of. Ashamed...of being tired?

"All the time. But we can't just quit. It won't let us."

"Won't let you. Oh, you know, don't you? It never does let you quit. Humanity always needs saving. Always needs someone to fix it...." The Doctor trailed off.

"Well, yeah."

"And that falls to us." The Doctor gave Sam a knowing look.

"Us?"

"Worlds other than yours also require saving." Whatever depth there had been was gone. He was grinning again, as if something Sam had said was funny.

"No, you said 'us.' Why say that?." He was trying to trick him into moving on, he thought. No, he deserved to know what this meant. Needed to know. They weren't even the same species, or from the same universe. How on earth could that warrant an 'us'?

"Well, it's odd, really, like finding a stranger that looks like you in an unexpected place. We aren't quite so different as you might think, Sam. I mean, you're human, but you feel to me much older than that. Like you've lived more than you want to live. Like someone who has died."

"How do you know that?" He was stupid, letting himself be taken in by whatever this man projected. He knew too much....he was spilling his guts without even realizing it. Sam put his hand on his gun.

"What are you, a psychic alien?"

"Well, yes. Although being fully psychic, the telepathy, can be really quite painful. Last time--poor Craig--gave us both splitting headaches."

Headaches. Nosebleeds. All the blood. Withdrawal... He somehow couldn't see this man's version of psychic ability as being what his had been. And he'd never really been telepathic, anyways...

"So you're psychic. But you're not reading my mind. So how do you know?" Sam drew his gun with a shaking hand, holding it in what he hoped looked like a casual way pointed at the ground. Best to project confidence....even if what was going on was as far from it as possible. Why did this guy bother him so much? It wasn't like vamps, or demons, or even angels....

"Sam, I'm not trying to scare you. You don't have to hold your silly little gun. I don't have any weapons. I don't do weapons. I don't need weapons. And I can tell about you because we're a bit alike. I've died before, in a way, at least. I don't just die. Not like humans do. It works differently for Time Lords. But I know how it is. That's why I said 'us.''

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Sam, even if I don't die, I don't want you to shoot me. And I don't want you to think you have to. Killing isn't good, Sam. Then, I think you probably know that, too. You even try not to, when you think you can."

"I don't want to kill you, but you're not human. You're not like anything I've ever met before. And that usually means dangerous."

"Relax, Sam. You care about humans, and I'm not dangerous to humans. Daleks, sure. Cybermen? Any day. Because of what they do to humans. But you humans, no, you'll live to populate the stars. At least in my universe, you do. Yours, I don't know. You seem to have other forces at play."

Other forces? Heaven and Hell....battleground, Earth....

"Other forces like you can't imagine."

"Really? I'd be interested to see if it's so unlike what I can imagine," he replied.

"We keep coming back to the same question," Sam replied, both amused and wearied," Of why I should trust you."

"Well, Sam, if you let me move from here, let me help you, I think you'd find plenty of reasons."

"Why would you want to help me?"

"I've been telling you, Sam, we're really a lot alike. And I like people. We're on the same side."

"Fine. Fine. But, tell me something, since you're from somewhere else, what's with the whole box falling from the sky thing?"

"She's my Tardis. Time And Relative Dimension in Space. You really should see her, although she's a bit under the weather right now. Repair protocols engaging. We could have a tiny peek, though. Come on! I think you'll find it quite informative."

The Doctor snapped his fingers, and just like that, the door opened. Sam chuckled. Showy much?

"Come on, Sam! First human in your universe to ever, ever see this!"

"I really don't--"

"Come on, Sam, I insist!"

"Fine."

Sam reluctantly followed the man through the door into the box, which was---

Definitely not a box.

...........

Chapter Two: 

https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=115427

Comments & reviews · 5
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gonna say this. I apologize but I need to let out my excitement before im ay continue alright * breaths* HOLY FRABBER GZZLE NUTS AND SHOES! I love love love doctor who and supernatural and You brilliant child has lead to the explosion of pure happiness that was this fallen! You glorious Wonderful child Thank you! Thank you you brilliant brilliant child.

Phew not on to the review.

Now what I really enjoyed was that I could tell it was sam and the doctor while reading it, you nailed their characters to the T.

I also liked your voice it was really strong, where others its hard to tell if they took it off the script you gave it your style which I loved.

Now the only think I didn't like was how you explained everything to the point and over explained. If your word choice is clear enough everyone will get it you don't need to do the whole sherade of He got up. He looked around. He raised his hand. He did this,"

A suggestion I have for you is add more action words toward your dialog. It'll help spruce up the story and give the reader more of a high that this stry gives off. Other than that LOVED THIS

User avatar
artemis15sc
Comment

Hey there. I'm actually kind of mad that I didn't find this sooner. Supernatural meets Doctor who? It's Genius. I loved it.

Some other good stuff, I really like your voice in this. It had whimsical feel to it, witch worked really well for the doctor especially.

As far as canon, both worlds feel right, so to speak. I could easily picture The Doctor and Sam while I was reading this, so great job with that.

Here are some of my nitpicks:

The man smirked a bit, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender, as he said to Sam in an unhurried way,"Relax, I'm unarmed."
You have something interesting going on here. I assume you've heard of "show don't tell?" Well, you start this with a really great show clause, but then you don't trust your readers to visualize it correctly so you add on a tell clause. TRust your readers, if your language is clear enough, they will understand without having you spell it out for them. If you delete "as he said...unhurried way" Then it becomes, "The man smirked a bit, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Relax, I'm unarmed." The reads so much more smoothly.

Sam squinted at the metallic pen-sized gadget, muttering to himself,

"Yeah, sure..."

He stood examining it, "Yeah, you just stay right there. Don't move."
This started to drag just a little bit for me, so maybe make this moment just a bit more concise, also, you need a comma between "stood" and "examining".

"Okay, I don't know what you're trying to do, but I'm still waiting for an answer."
Something I've been working on in my writing is not writing subtext as dialogue. If you're unfamiliar with the term, subtext is essentially what your character is thinking while they're speaking or how they're saying, but they generally don't say these things out loud. And if Sam is as stressed as you make him out to be, he's going to cut to the chase. They both know he doesn't know what the doctor is doing, so he doesn't have to say it. It could just be. "I'm still waiting for an answer." Sharper, clearer, and keeps the pacing up.

A note: I wouldn't apply this to the doctor's dialogue, as Matt Smith's incarnation specifically tends to think out loud. Pantaphobia is still like my all-time favorite quote...

"I'm what you'd call an alien."

"You've got to be kidding."
Another reviewer mentioned more description and dialogue tags, and I think that especially applies here. How does Sam react physically to the doctor's revelation? What is he thinking? Does he believe him? If I remember right, there was one episode where Dean got kidnapped by Aliens, and then trickster/Gabriel did some stuff with Alien's...When exactly does this take place on Supernatural timeline?

Edit: You do mention Sam's thought process a little later, but I still think we need something right after the Doctor's revelation.

Ooh, I loved the ending.

Overall, it had a really nice feel to it. Another reviewer said maybe spicing up the dialogue with some action though, which I agree with. I was engaged, but mostly because I love these characters so much, and their conversation was feeling a bit lengthy.

Overall, you had a good set up, but I wonder what would happen if the Doctor materialized in on them fighting a monster, or at least Sam fighting a monster. It would change the stakes, the flow of the conversation...it would definitely increase the tension, pacing, action, conflict, a lot of things...but maybe that's not what you want. It's just an idea. Anyway, I'm on to chapter 2!!!

User avatar
artemis15sc
Review

Hey there. I'm actually kind of mad that I didn't find this sooner. Supernatural meets Doctor who? It's Genius. I loved it.

Some other good stuff, I really like your voice in this. It had whimsical feel to it, witch worked really well for the doctor especially.

As far as canon, both worlds feel right, so to speak. I could easily picture The Doctor and Sam while I was reading this, so great job with that.

Here are some of my nitpicks:

The man smirked a bit, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender, as he said to Sam in an unhurried way,"Relax, I'm unarmed."
You have something interesting going on here. I assume you've heard of "show don't tell?" Well, you start this with a really great show clause, but then you don't trust your readers to visualize it correctly so you add on a tell clause. TRust your readers, if your language is clear enough, they will understand without having you spell it out for them. If you delete "as he said...unhurried way" Then it becomes, "The man smirked a bit, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Relax, I'm unarmed." The reads so much more smoothly.

Sam squinted at the metallic pen-sized gadget, muttering to himself,

"Yeah, sure..."

He stood examining it, "Yeah, you just stay right there. Don't move."
This started to drag just a little bit for me, so maybe make this moment just a bit more concise, also, you need a comma between "stood" and "examining".

"Okay, I don't know what you're trying to do, but I'm still waiting for an answer."
Something I've been working on in my writing is not writing subtext as dialogue. If you're unfamiliar with the term, subtext is essentially what your character is thinking while they're speaking or how they're saying, but they generally don't say these things out loud. And if Sam is as stressed as you make him out to be, he's going to cut to the chase. They both know he doesn't know what the doctor is doing, so he doesn't have to say it. It could just be. "I'm still waiting for an answer." Sharper, clearer, and keeps the pacing up.

A note: I wouldn't apply this to the doctor's dialogue, as Matt Smith's incarnation specifically tends to think out loud. Pantaphobia is still like my all-time favorite quote...

"I'm what you'd call an alien."

"You've got to be kidding."
Another reviewer mentioned more description and dialogue tags, and I think that especially applies here. How does Sam react physically to the doctor's revelation? What is he thinking? Does he believe him? If I remember right, there was one episode where Dean got kidnapped by Aliens, and then trickster/Gabriel did some stuff with Alien's...When exactly does this take place on Supernatural timeline?

Edit: You do mention Sam's thought process a little later, but I still think we need something right after the Doctor's revelation.

Ooh, I loved the ending.

Overall, it had a really nice feel to it. Another reviewer said maybe spicing up the dialogue with some action though, which I agree with. I was engaged, but mostly because I love these characters so much, and their conversation was feeling a bit lengthy.

Overall, you had a good set up, but I wonder what would happen if the Doctor materialized in on them fighting a monster, or at least Sam fighting a monster. It would change the stakes, the flow of the conversation...it would definitely increase the tension, pacing, action, conflict, a lot of things...but maybe that's not what you want. It's just an idea. Anyway, I'm on to chapter 2!!!

User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

'Yet, it grew stronger, louder, crackling in and out of existence like the bass of a car's subwoofers a block a way.' - could that be a TARDIS... (I am so excited by this!)

'What harm can it do--no one remembers me anyways' - I reckon the dashes are ok but you need a question mark after 'do'.

'"Heartbeats." they said at once.' - the full stop after 'Heartbeats' should be a comma.

'Last time--poor Craig--gave us both splitting headaches.' - Craig! :D Nice reference.

'Time And Relative Dimension in Space' - I hate to be picky but it's technically 'Dimensions'.

I LOVE IT.

I love Doctor Who so much you cannot imagine and although I'm only on Season one of SPN, I know loads about the fandom and I already pre-emptively ship Destiel.

But onto the actual review -- Allons-y!

I would suggest maybe adding some action to the speech. Just gestures or facial expressions. It ends up reading like a script at times and don't get me wrong this would work as a script, that's just not quite what it is here. Also, sometimes it is unclear who is exactly is speaking. The last suggestion is that this is a little drawn out. I think it is good this long but you should make Sam's stages of thinking a little more clear so that there is detectable progress.

Anyway, oh my God you have captured these characters perfectly! I don't understand all that much about Sam because like I said, I'm only on S1 so I'll just talk about the Doctor.

Not that Peter Capaldi isn't a walking sass-machine-of-awesome, but I miss Matt. I love his childishness and his nerdiness and just Matt in general. I love this because you got his Doctor so perfectly, even with a totally new situation for him to be facing. I could picture all those moments when he's closed up when people ask him about his home. I can see his rage, his denial, his joy. I can see him running.

Geronimo!

Thanks for the tips! Matt was my Doctor also! I came into watching Doctor Who about a month before Tennant departed, and when Matt came stumbling out of the Tardis I was like...seriously who is this guy? But he had me at fish custard. I remember watching the first episode very clearly, gosh, such an awesome actor! I just saw the first of the latest season the other day, too. I already love Capaldi. Somehow he's got the same sort of...vibe...as Matt Smith.

User avatar
Lucia
Review
Lucia wrote a review · Wed Sep 17, 2014 5:26 am

I'm gonna start off by saying that I haven't seen much Doctor Who. So, I'll review this as well as I can, but please, pardon my lack of knowledge on the subject.
I liked how you portrayed the Doctor's personality, as slightly smug, all-knowing, and advanced. Almost like hearing him say, "I'm awesome, and I know it." :) I'm not sure why, but to me, certain Doctors have always come across that way.

Sam seems very tense to me. I mean sure, some possibly insane guy in a blue box just landed out of a whirlwind in front of Sam, but still, I don't know why, but feel like Sam is extra tense somehow. Reading this, I get the feeling that certain incidents have occurred on Earth, involving alien races. Perhaps you could include some inconspicuous information about the past in the opening paragraphs to give a reasonable explanation for Sam's stiffness.

The conversation in the work and the actual work itself seemed a little confusing and fast-paced to me. Perhaps you wrote this specifically for Doctor Who fans who are used to all of these things? Instead of jumping all of these unexplained terms on a reader previously unfamiliar with Doctor Who, perhaps you should imagine that you didn't know that the show existed until this point. All of everything would be new to you. So ask yourself, would you understand any of it?

This piece seems to consist mostly of thoughts and dialogue. Especially when the conversation comes back to the same point, the words can become slightly monotonous. You might be trying to put a point across with it, but if so, you should make it more clear just what you are trying to do.

Looking back, Sam seemed very reluctant to trust the Doctor. However, just a few minutes later, he even entered Tardis! What brought about this sudden change?

I probably haven't got everything, but I hope this helped anyways. I enjoyed this very much, and would ask you to consider continuing the story... please? :)
Just focus on smoothing some of the rough parts over. Imagine yourself reading this and learning about Doctor Who for the first time from it. Does it all make sense?
Again, I hope this helped, and I'm looking forward to more of your work!
Keep writing!

Cheers!

Yeah, it would be pretty difficult for someone not familiar with the shows' universes to follow. I'd originally written this for a fan fiction site so, it is very reference-laden. The reviews I got there weren't up to par with what I am accustomed to through YWS, so I figured I'd put it up here. Thanks for the tip. I think I'll put a preface in with the basics. And yes, there's more to come. This is just the first bit of the story, (I already finished at least the roughish draft of this story) I can post the next bit soon. (There's a sequel after this one too.)

You're welcome for everything, and thanks for the explanation. :)
Feel free to let me know when your next works are posted. ;)



"The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle of a sentence."
— John Green, Paper Towns